I bought a new computer this week. I was supposed to buy an inexpensive tiny laptop, but I bought a mac book pro instead. I'm justifying the purchase by writing and to stave off mental collapse of the soul, if that makes any sense.

I would dearly love to have a lovely home. Most of my friends do. Some have budgets that support this with various worker bees, but many well educated attractive women sweat it out themselves. Scrubbing, cooking, making appealing displays by the front door of sunglasses, chapstick and perfume on a Chinese tray. With a tiny bit more effort I could achieve this. Stubbornly, willfully I don't. Why is that?

I enjoy writing snappy emails. I admit I can be clever occasionally. I am a pretty skilled comic character actress. However I'm out of the loop. Partly because somebody has to feed the dogs and I don't want to go to East Bumphuck to do Chekhov. I was hoping to be going back to Dorset VT for a third season doing really fun summer stock. It was close and far enough away. Sadly, the creative staff got axed and the new regime never returned my emails.

My daughter Betty is doing well with her acting career, she'll start rehearsals at the Roudabout next month. Sam is studying in London for a month and went to the British Open this weekend in Scotland, and Harry is off to snowboarding camp on Mt Hood in Oregon. Jack is spending his summer as an unpaid chaplain interning at a hospital in Derby, en route to becoming an Episcopal priest. To restore his yang, he is a pretty good weekend golfer and I am mostly content.

I have lots to do. I had spent 8 weeks in Pittsburgh this spring doing a play. While I enjoyed Pittsburgh, getting in front of an audience and doing a fine job, it was too far away. I was gung ho to get home, sleep in my own bed, appreciate my blessings, rip apart rooms, nest and grow things.

The Garden. I look at it with wildly mixed emotions. It has a certain charm. Actually this week the garden can go to hell for all I care. And when will I accept the fact that I cannot grow zinnias? I adore those peppy bouquets that are the glory of midsummer. Mine look kind of jolly from 20 feet away, but up close they are diseased and crippled. Slugs? Rot? I am growing a topsy turvy tomato plant. So far so good. Cross your fingers!

Air conditioning is a big issue right now. For economic and philosophical reasons, Jack feels that we can live without A/C for the few weeks of summer that suck. Also, he doesn't mind the heat and humidity. So we have a few window units here and there, but NOT in our bedroom, kitchen, living room or office. I can only be in the playroom or Harry's room without losing my mind, which means I am out of my mind for 75% of the time. It has been an awfully hot summer for me and the dogs and cat. Not Jack's fault, but that doesn't mean that I can't shoot everyone woebegone sidelong glances. I inch through tiny projects but my heart just isn't in them.

My friend Wendy says that I am a social creature and need to be out and about, not in and brooding. I'm sure she is right but I would like to try and see if this is any fun.